Seasons of Life - with Little Feet and Large

Recently I’ve been reading quite a bit about the season of life of motherhood with young children.  There is acknowledgement that days can be hard, how much work goes unnoticed, and our “job” can seem trivial and unimportant in the menial tasks.  Those are things that resonate with me.  I’m living them.  Here and now.  Day in.  Day out.

I’ve also been reading about how it’s the time of life we will look back on once it’s gone and wish it back.  The time of life that will disappear when we blink.  The time of life when our kids will love us more deeply than they ever will… 

The mentality of this sometimes difficult and monotonous period of our lives while parenting littles actually being the best time of our lives that we will forever wish back once it’s gone is a quite discouraging to me.  Don’t get me wrong, my life became wonderfully bright when we welcomed our first daughter into our family.  It has glowed even brighter with the birth of each of our 3 children following our first.  I’ve learned to see joy and fascination in things I used to consider boring or simplistic.  I’ve cherished the hugs and kisses, the quickness to forgive, and the laughter that comes from the littlest thing.  I know this is a special and sacred time of motherhood.  An incredible time in my life where the most ordinary moments of holding a baby and wiping a nose are almost miraculous.  Amazing that these little beings were created and are growing and here in the first place.  

But those joys don’t come without their share of challenges.  I’ve struggled quite a bit with feeling inferior to the role my husband plays – bread winner, mr fix it, landscaper, renovator, the list goes on and on….AND he’s a great dad!!!  He knows how to cut up a piece of toast and change a diaper like the best of us.  He can handle a squabble, help our kids reach a cup, and tuck them into bed just as well as I can.  He seems to be the jack of all trades while I am a one trick pony who lives within the walls of our house surrounded by crumbs and mounds of laundry for many days at a time.

As our kids have grown I have expanded my experiences and I feel like I am slowly unfolding to develop new and more varied aspects in my life – meeting friends, trying a business venture, re-discovering my personal taste and fashion sense as I leave behind the maternity clothes and baby-nursing wear.  It has been exciting and refreshing!

But then I read one of those articles…..the ones where we are told that we are in the greatest phase of life when we are surrounded by our tiny kids.  When they are small and forgiving and easily give out hugs and “I love you’s” and my bubble bursts….it at least wobbles and sinks.  Am I wrong to be enjoying the new phase of life where we kiss baby welcoming and night feedings goodbye?  Should I be taking more time to close my eyes and soak in the smell of my baby’s sleepy post-nap skin?  Should I remind myself that this is the best season of my life and I’ll forever wish it back when it is no longer here?

I LOVE this life.  I love motherhood.  I love the innocence of my young children.  I know so very well that this is a sacred time of life.  I also want to believe that glorious moments will arise when our kids grow and become independent too.  I love yous may be less frequent, there may be more eye rolling, and frequent parental conversations about how to handle delicate tween situations.  But I want to believe there will be magic then too.  For each time our older kids say I love you, there will be knowledge, awareness, and an extra measure of deliberateness behind those words.  When our teenagers come to be held or our young adult children call to discuss something, it is with the knowledge that we are not near perfect, we are also broken and muddied, but they wish to come anyway.  There will be an extra richness in their affection and in their words of love because they aren’t saying it simply because we are the main adult caregivers in their lives, they are saying it because we are home.  We are familiarity.  We are a safe place to land after a busy day doing things on their own. 

I know this phase of being a young family is precious.  I am aware that I will miss these days at times when they are gone.  My mom says “little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems”.  I believe that to be true and that I will miss the simplicity of pee puddles and spilled milk one day.  On the other hand, I want to treasure and take joy in our kids expanding their wings, pleasure in seeing our children dip their toes in the ocean of new experience and personal growth.  I want to recognize that though the “I love yous” may be much less frequent and the hugs not so easily passed out, that they are magnificent when they are.  They are the miracle of unconditional care, of independent choosing, they are just as marvellous as the tiny arms thrown around our necks. 

One of the biggest gifts more seasoned parents have given to me is a hand on the shoulder and an “every stage is really good”.  I want to soak in this beauty of young kids.  And I want to be delighted in my teenagers.  For there will be moments to treasure then as well.  We ought not to pine for a season of life to last forever, but discover the beauty in new seasons unfolding.  For really, the best present is the “now” whether surround by little feet or large.  Life is gift.  All the time.