I DO Have Talents!

For awhile I was convinced that I didn’t have any talents.  No gift worth noting, anyway.  I would look around at all of the photographers, marathon runners, home business creators, and sewers with a sort of self-pity mixed with awed admiration. 

I sure didn’t think I could run with the big leagues.  As far as I could tell, I was one of the ones who was built for pure and simple practicality. 

Well, I could talk.  That’s one thing I’ve always been able to do. 

It’s been a running joke between Brad and I for years:  He’s better at almost everything, but I can beat him at talking no doubt about it.  For awhile I’d get frustrated because he seemed to be better even at the things that I felt I SHOULD be better at. 

He was better at cooking.  I didn’t dare to BBQ a chicken breast for fear that it would become petrified.  I still don’t dare.  I don’t have the ability to “just feel it” when it’s cooked perfectly like my beloved husband does.  Thankfully, I’ve developed my skills with the stovetop and oven quite fine. 

Brad was also better at fixing things, calculating things, lifting things, and creating things.  He still is better at many of those things.

One time, I was caught up in whining about my pitiful lack of abilities when Brad stopped me mid sentence and told me:  “Corinna, you need a hobby.” 

That made me think. 

For the life of me, I couldn’t come up with a hobby I’d be good at besides talking and reading.  But, I was determined.  Because girls only like guys with skills and I’m pretty sure vice versa is true as well. 

Could I do photography?  No.  I don’t have the eye for it.  And the cameras are expensive.

Iron man races?  Heck, no!  I’m too busy changing dirty diapers and wiping mouths to be out and about running for hours!  Besides, I’m still too scarred from the long distance running I pretended to like doing in Junior High.

Sewing?  When mom asked me if I wanted a sewing machine for a wedding present I laughed in her face.  We got a freezer.  Enough said.

Starting a home business?  With WHAT?!!!  Every good idea is already started by millions of other much more talented people!  And I refuse to be a lesser-than-quality-wanna-be.

I ditched every idea that I came up with for months.

Then it hit me.  

Art.  

Painting is too messy.  I avoid it like the plague.  Scrapbooking and card making might be fun, but it takes too much space and our house doesn’t have the room for it.... 

I like drawing.  I like drawing with pencil.  Yes, I will try drawing with pencil. 

I searched out one of the many adorable pictures of my niece Kendra, cropped it, changed it to black and white, and printed it off as an 8 x 10.  I would try drawing her as my first pencil art project.  (Little did I realize that I was insane for picking a picture where Kendra was wearing her darling hand knit sweater made by her Oma....impossible to recreate with pencil!)  But, as I bent over the paper with pencil, kneaded eraser, and blending stumps in fingers, I saw my hands create a relatively realistic imitation of the portrait printed in front of me and I began to get excited.  My pencil drawing may be raw and underdeveloped, but it was decent, and I was delighted!  I may only produce a small portion of drawings and they may never be worth money or fame, but I enjoy creating them nonetheless.

Plus, along the way, I realized I DO have a talent! 

Then, as I opened myself up to the possibility of having gifts that I could be excited about, I found myself dreaming of developing other skills.  I would lie awake at night thinking about useless things and profound things and felt such an urge to write them down!  I decided I would start a blog.  Now, I get the pleasure of capturing both my insignificant ramblings and my deeper ones in semi-permanent cyber space while developing my ever-present love of words, and talking!   There are moments I feel so thrilled about these newfound talents I swear there are bubbles floating in my stomach!

So, for all of you self-doubting so called skill-deprived comrades out there, I encourage you.  You DO have talents.  They might not be perfect or appreciated by everybody, but they are there!   If you search hard enough, and examine your interests, you will find some talent waiting to blossom.  And it will feel great!  You will feel liberated!

Whatever the case, I feel grateful.  I can no longer call myself a talentless, wandering, doofus with legs.  I DO have talents.  And I’m excited about them.  Yay!

Here is a collage of the progression of my Kendra drawing starting with the original print on top left to the finished product framed on bottom right.  In total, the drawing took me about 12 hours to complete.

Here's a close up image of the completed drawing.  Kendra is 7 months old here.  Isn't she a doll?

Here is the finished product that I got to give to Christy, Hans, and Kendra tonight in honor of Kendra's first birthday.  Seeing how special they thought the drawing was turned out to be a huge gift to me!  Somehow I managed to keep the drawing a secret from Christy so it was wonderful to see the shocked look on her face! I hope to make drawings a tradition for many of my niece's and nephew's first birthdays.

Making Money an Idol

I admit.  I’ve had times when I’ve raised my eyebrows at people that seem a little bit too attached to their money.  I’ve made some self-righteous judgements when I spot people who I perceive to enjoy their consumerist habits a little too much. 

I take pride in being smart with money.  I have a lot of things but I’d like to think that I buy things more out of practicality, not extravagance.  I am thankful for my monetary self-control and my general satisfaction with how much of it I have.

Then again, I’ve also had times where I wished that I had a little more money.  That we could be one of the families that had dollar bills at our disposal for endless entertainment.

When I really stop to examine myself, I realize a dirty little secret. 

I might be a saver, but I can also be a cheap scrooge.

I may take pride in having consumerist self-control but I still spend time envying what other people have.

In short, even though I don’t have endless amounts of it, nor do I usually wish for it, and even though I pay off my debts and have relatively healthy spending habits, I still have moments where I may treat money as a sort of god.

Being smart with my money may be a good thing but not if it produces self-righteous, all consuming thoughts on what to do with my money.  When I feel guilty for buying myself a relatively fancy watch with my birthday money and ask my husband repeatedly for affirmation that it was okay to buy this unnecessarily expensive watch rather than replacing my old frying pan, there might be something wrong.

Sometimes I think I’d be better off if I loosened up a little bit.  Maybe it would be a good thing to allow myself to buy that extra shirt or that out-of-season fruit so that I realize that life will still go on if I spend an extra $20 here and there.

Maybe I could learn that it’s worth allowing myself an extravagance in order to spend some quality time with family on a camping trip even though it may include some unnecessary things like ice cream every day and multiple trips to a petting zoo.

In short, I confess to being a little bit too concerned about money.  Just because I’m spending conscious doesn’t mean that I don’t place too much emphasis on the value of money.  Even though I choose to drive a car that I paid for with cash, I still have daily lessons to learn about what it means to be truly resourceful and stewardly.  I must keep my eyes on the true God who created us to be loving, forgiving, and serving of those around us and lock away any tendency to make money my idol.  I have no doubt that I’ll fail at this repeatedly, but I won’t bother betting any money on it!

The Skill of Sleeping

If you don’t already know by reading former posts, I often suck at sleeping.  I am convinced that sleeping is a valuable skill that I don’t have.  There are way too many nights that I am exhausted but I lay awake in bed feeling like I’m hopped up on 2000 Red Bulls (I’ve never had a Red Bull) and my mind is whirring faster than Dash on the Incredibles.  It can be beyond frustrating.  (Then again, that is often when my creative mind is as its best.)

Although I haven’t tried any medicinal sleeping aids, I’m very near the point of desperation.  I need help sleeping.  I’m transitioning from the phase of denial to acceptance of that sad little fact.

I have tried various home-remedy methods:

 I drink milk before bed.  (Maybe it shouldn’t be mixed with Nescafe Ice Java?  It is divine though.)

I take a shower at night so that I’m warm when I go to bed.  (Being cold is another often present plight I deal with that prevents me from sleeping.  Even while wearing socks, my ice block feet can remain cold for an hour.  I can’t sleep with cold feet.)

I count sheep and I pray.  I usually don’t get past 20 sheep and in the middle of my prayers I find myself wondering if that shirt I want to wear on my once-a-week outing is in the laundry or not.

A friend told me about the method of laying on your back with your ankles crossed and your hands folded with writs crossed and twisted up so that your elbows are bent and your clasped hands are just below your chin.  Apparently the warped appendages confuse the brain’s ability to think properly.  I’ve tried it and I’m pretty sure there is some relevance to it.  When I lay like that my brain usually can’t sustain more than a one-sentence thought per topic at a time.  And then all I can think about is how uncomfortable I am.  I’m not a back sleeper and my wrists and ankles are terribly skinny and boney.

Sometimes I’m reminded about the yoga style relaxation method where you lay on your back, start at your feet and go through every single portion of your body meditating on letting them feel heavy and relaxed and asleep.  I’ve tried that and by the time I’m trying to relax my knees, my toes are already wiggling. 

My sister in law introduced me to a slightly different version of the above yoga therapy.  She suggested that instead of starting at my feet, I start at my head and work down.  I can vouch for the fact that it’s impossible to sleep with a clenched jaw and lifted shoulders.  So, as of now, this relaxation method is the one I rely on most often.  And I must say, it seems to be most helpful for me.  However, I tried it tonight and I’m still back in lounging clothes, sitting on the couch in the basement with my computer on my lap.

This post really has no point to it.  I apologize (and feel sorry for myself) for writing and sharing a post that lacks in a miraculous cure for lack of sleeping skills.  I guess I’m searching for a companion in my world of semi-nocturnality.  And, if anybody has any tips or suggestions, I’d be very happy to receive them. 

Off to go to sleep, attempt #2.

*I wrote this post a few weeks ago and failed to edit and post it until now.  I’m happy to report that I’ve been sleeping quite well recently!  However, I know sleep lapses will inevitably return and I still invite any hints or advice for sleeping well!